I went to a Catholic
School for four years
And I also went to garage
Band for 20 minutes
And this is the product of that
Hit it
All the seats at the Sunday masses
Filled with the mass's massive asses
Classes pass as fast as molasses
Ceremonial reading glasses
Read a little bit of Leviticus
All the kids are a little
Too little for this
All the parents nod in agreement
I think I can vaguely
See what he meant
It's too early in the morning glory
To read another allegory story
The father reads a little bit farther
Assuring the assured that
They need not bother
When God in verse 45 said
The slaves are okay to buy
He meant that people
All from the start
Each have slaves withing their hearts
Things that we have sold or
Boughten that are forced
To pick our moral cotton
God calls us to set these free
Free our hearts from slavery
And then as God goes on to explain
The logistics of buying
And selling slaves
Uh he ju the Bible sorta like
Uh it's like typos didn'
In the back I sit and I nod to
The beats that are
Bumpin' from my iPod
My god they're starting to pray
And over the music
I can hear them say
Dear God dear Lord dear
Vague muscular man with a
Beard or a sword
Dear good all seeing being
My way or the highway Yahweh
The blue balled anti masturbator
The great all loving faggot hater
I'd like to thank your holy might
For making me both rich and white
And though this is your day
Of rest I come to you
With one request
There's so much pain
Beyond this steeple
Wars and drugs and homeless people
Sadness where there should be joy
Hate and R**e and Soulja Boy
A world in darkness needs your
Light so I'm sure your
Schedule's pretty tight
But my dog just had surgery
If you could fix that first
Jesus
Debra Messing's fingers in a
Holy place Hail Mary full of Grace
Obama could you pass
Some hope to the Pope
I know a couple dude's
Who wanna elope
See the church said nope
So the bros can't cope
The bros can grope but
The bros can't cope
They've been in love and
They've been edicted
Who said they shouldn't Benedict did
Cause in the holy land of
The lord he's the holy landlord
And dicks are evicted
Cause you can be a Benedict
If you've been a dick
Under Benedict but
You can't have Benedicts because
There's only one pope
And only one dick
What Yeah a d**k on a Pope is
Just like a soap on a rope cause it's
Pointless unless in prison
Throw up your bibles
Christ has risen
Hallelujah now it's raining men
Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10
Winos at the Eucharist
Station trans gendered substantiation
Jesus wasn't the messiah get
Back I'm a heretic and I'm on fire
It was Oedipus and those holy nights
The holy motherf**king Christ
I'm a blasphemah post
Katrina cruising the marina
On a crusade to cruise aids
And blast FEMA
You're too late we're
F**ked we don't need ya
In the name of the
Father Son and Holy Ghost
Head shoulders knees and toes
Turn up your nose strike that pose
HEY MACARENA
RANT - Bo Burnham
