New Math (Explicit) - Bo Burnham
This next song takes something
That's not that fun math and makes it offensive
It's New Math
What's a pirate minus the ship
Just a creative homeless guy
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant
An ironic way to die
What's domain domain range
A kid with too much in his pants
Two balls minus one
Seven titles at the Tour de France
It gets worse
Yeah split a decision with long division
Take the circumference of your circumcision
Live like your data and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New Math
It's New Math
And what's a bag of chips divided by five
Well that's a Nike worker's meal
And Santa Claus multiplied by 'i'
Well I guess that makes him real
And the square root of the NBA
Is Africa in a box
How do you trace a scatter plot
You give the pencil to Michael J Fox
(Whatever )
Take the approximate moral proportion
Of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
Live like your data and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New It's New It's New It's New It's New Math
And if you took a factor tree
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You'd have a tree full of Asian porn
C-A-L C-U lator mathematical minds
Cause industrial smog
And what's the opposite of ln(x)
Duraflame the unnatural log
Support the farmers with a pro-tractor
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common fact-or
Live like your data and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New It's New It's New
Alright word problems ready
If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop
With a twenty-dollar bill and he's ready to buy
In order to predict his volume change
You'll need to know the value of pie
And there's a metal train that's a mile long
And at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her
How long 'til it reaches
And kills the driver provided
That he is a good conductor
(An electrical and train condutor )
And if ten percent of men are gay twenty
Percent of men are Chinese
What are the odds of a man chosen
At random spends
His free-time and meal-time while on his knees
And if Kim is half as old as Bobby
Who is two years older than twelve-year old Tory
For how many more thirty-day months
Will their threesomes be considered statutory rape
'Cause Math can be sexy
'Cause having sex is like quadratic expansion
If it can't be split then it's time to stop
And having sex is like you're doing fractions
It's improper for the larger one to be on top yeah
And having sex is like math homework
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed
And squaring numbers are just like women
If they're under thirteen just do them in your head
And New Math
